Be on your way

I forgot to mention the last reason Monday was truly a new day. We started a new bible study in my community group. The last two that we had done were a bit disappointing, compared to the first one, which changed me so much. So now, we are doing "David: Seeking a Heart Like His" by Beth Moore. This morning, the first scripture I read in the study really spoke to me. As most of you know, I've been disappointed and somewhat sad lately because a situation I had expected to work out in my life, didn't. I've been trying to trust God with it, recognizing that He knows what's happening on all ends of a situation and still controls it all. It's just been hard, and full of ups and downs. I can't say how appreciative I am to those friends of mine who have been there to listen to me whine, cry, or just rant at times. So Monday night, at the end of Beth's lesson, she said to have a heart like David's, one that is after God's own heart, we have to give him ours fully, whatever state it's in. She said if your heart is broken, just give him the pieces and he will make it new. That as refreshing to hear. That, along with gaining a little more understanding on the situation, I woke up Wednesday morning feeling better than I had in a while.

So, back to the scripture I read this morning. 1 Samuel 16:1 is God talking to Samuel, and He says, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king." This kind of slapped me in the face. I love the moments where I can so clearly see God taking me by the hand, helping me to learn something and grow and change from it. I took this as God telling me that I need to recognize that he "rejected" the situation that I have been sad about not happening. Now, I need to stop "mourning" it and "be on my way." He's got other, betterd things for me to be doing. Samuel mourned and grieved Saul's disobedience to God because he knew that meant Saul wasn't the right king of Israel. Then God told him to stop mourning because there were other things he needed to be doing - like anointing a new king.

God's process is amazing to me sometimes. And yet so many times, it's still so hard for me to trust. As far as my "filling my horn with oil and being on my way"... I'm still praying about the job in North Carolina and what I should do after the summer. It makes a lot more sense for me to try and get a job here, given the political state of things in South Korea and that having an opportunity at a university would be great, I can't shake feeling like I would never get to go to Korea if I didn't go this year and that I would be taking the easy way out by staying in the States. Maybe it really just is my choice, but before I found this job in NC, I had realized that going to Korea would require me to trust God the most, since it will likely delay my "meeting somebody" at least until I'm almost 26. That scares me. But I do think once I move out of the South, it won't seem like such a big deal because every twenty-something around me won't be married. I'm not making a decision right now; I'm just keeping my heart open for whatever direction God leads as I go "on my way."